I'm having a moment.
I took a ton of pictures, but of course I can't show you those, so for now let me just say.. She looked beautiful. The dress is so absolutely her and the tiara, because yes, she's a tiara kind of girl, is just beyond amazing and fabulous and glorious. None of us even cried because we were all just so happy and laughing and watching her twirl and just so.. excited! There was no time to tear up! It was just all so much fun and just so HER.
Her mom had me do up all of the buttons on the back of her dress after she had decided that dress she had on was "the one". It was just one of those moments I don't want to forget, so I'm writing it down here. I've never been a bridesmaid or especially a Maid of Honor, so this is all new and exciting. I'm just so damn happy for her.
I'm having another moment.
Here's the thing.. I don't know how to be a Maid of Honor. Part of me feels like it's just going to have to be a "learn as I go" type of thing, but another part of me wants to make sure I do all I can for my best friend. On Monday night I took to Pinterest to figure out how to be a Maid of Honor. Shoot me. Why did I do that? Basically, according to Pinterest, I need to quit my job so I can be with the bride at every moment, but I also need to hit the lottery because I need to be spending thousands of dollars planning multiple elaborate parties for her.
Pinterest just doesn't make things practical sometimes. What I need? Practical advice.
If there's one thing Bloglandia has an abundance of, it's brides.
So I figured I'd put this out there - For those of you who are currently planning your wedding or for those who have already have your special day, what are some things you loved that your Maid of Honor did (or are doing) or what are a few things you wished she had done (or wish she would do)?
I know everyone is different and every wedding and every bride is different, but I think some real, practical advice from some real brides, not Pinterest brides, would be the most amazing thing right now! Thank you in advance!
I love you, friends!
Ah! So exciting! There is nothing more special than the relationship between a bride and her MOH. I was the luckiest bride, having my cousin as my MOH. I think the thing I loved most during the whole process was that she was there to support me in any way, at any time. Sure, she threw me an amazing bridal shower and bachelorette party and I appreciate those too. But even more, she was always there when I needed someone to bounce ideas off of, vent, or need someone to have my back. Wedding planning can be stressful, so it's important to let her know that you're there to be her right hand lady and help her in any way you can - especially during those times when she just needs to sit back, breathe and have some very strong drinks ;)
ReplyDeleteMy MOH was perfect. She wasn't too pushy (because sometimes wedding planning is so stressful it's the last thing I want to think about.) But anytime I needed her opinion she was there, and she was brutally honest. I can't tell you how grueling the invitation process was because everything I picked she would ask "are you sure you're going to want to look at that in 10 years in a scrapbook?" Then I went through a "I want to make my own" which was terrible....
ReplyDeleteNo need to quit your job or start playing the lottery. (although if you win that wouldn't be TERRIBLE.) I think you'll do great!
My MOH helped me run errands there at the end (we had our whole wedding at home so the bar necessities and some food items were up to us) and planned the Bachelorette party. All she asked for was a guest list and kind of night I wanted the night to be like (bar hopping or low key, fun party at home). Just be there to lend a helping hand, calm her down (even the most relaxed, laid back brides will get frazzled), and make sure she remembers to have fun! Don't put all the stress on you either, assuming there are additional bridesmaids.
ReplyDeleteMake sure the two of you communicate about what she thinks you're doing/going to be doing--and just make sure you're constantly supporting her! Little things like getting her coffee or bringing her flowers when you know she's stressing will make such a big difference!
ReplyDeleteOh, Cassie just wrote a GREAT post about this! For real, def check it out: http://www.sagetheblog.com/2015/01/8-ways-to-be-great-bridesmaid-meet.html
ReplyDeleteIn addition, my best advice is to simply be there and do whatever you need to help her fulfill her dream day. Be supportive and positive, ask to help, assist in drama that will happen from other friends/family/bridal party, and keep her in check. I personally got so bogged down in the details and trying to make everyone else happy that I lost sight of the big picture, so reassure her that she should do whatever she envisions without reservations, to not worry, and that the point is she marries the love of her life, so don't lose sight of that. Not much else really matters all that much.
Also, be there to help take her mind off wedding planning if she needs some distractions! And encourage her to plan date nights with her fiance, because it's also really important that they connect and have time together too that doesn't involve wedding planning. It can start to take over your life.
So obviously I haven't been a bride, but I have been a MOH and I think the most important advice I can give is just to be there. I literally sat on the phone with my cousin (she lives 3 hours away) with my laptop up while she had her's up, looking for bridesmaides gifts. Just let the bride know that whatever she needs, you've got it. She can delegate things to you with no problem. Also, definitely use the other bridesmaids. It's not completely your job to plan every detail of showers or bachelorette parties. For the shower we threw, each of us had a job. For the bachelorette party, her sister played a big roll, because it was out of town and she just so happened to go to college in that town. Long story short, it's just about being her back up. Keep her calm and just remind her that no matter what, at the end of all the planning, she gets to spend the rest of her life with the love of her life (it worked for me on more than one occasion)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I was JUST a MOH for my best friend's wedding in October. I had never even been a bridesmaid so it was a little overwhelming, but I think we made it work. My friend had two MOHs, her cousin and me. The bride lives in NC (where the wedding was), her cousin lives in Cleveland (where the bridal shower was), and I live in Chicago, which definitely made things interesting. It was so so so helpful to have the other MOH in Cleveland for Bridal Shower planning from afar. Because travel expenses added up for: visiting NC to go dress shopping, the shower, the wedding week (including bachelorette party), we tried to be really budget conscious for all of our planning. Happy to answer any questions or give you some ideas for how we did this if you email me! carolyn.baumgarten@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI just got married in October and I think that taking the brides cue is so important. You don't want to be pushy but you also don't want to not help out. I think just keeping the bride calm, check in with her to make sure she is doing well or just ask how she is. Don't forget to help her have fun in these planning months like go to dinner and have drinks to take her mind off of the wedding for a bit. I think for sure throwing her a bachelorette party or bridal shower is a big one too! I think you'll do a great job!
ReplyDeleteI'm currently in the process of planning my wedding and I'm not super far into it, but so far, my maid of honor has been a total rock star. Why? Because she listens. She lives two hours away, but she calls every day to ask for updates and offers to help. Realistically, I probably won't ask her to do many things (control freak), but it's so nice to know that she cares enough to ask/offer! I would, however, like her help planning a bachelorette party. :)
ReplyDeleteAs all the other comments have said, just be there for her. Only you truly know her and how she is going to react. She may be the laid back type that doesn't care. Or she may the type screaming in the craft store, "AH shit that linens HAVE to match the font on the matchbox favors!" Definitely plan the bachelorette party, but ask for the other bridesmaids help. Know what the bride wants. If she gets plastered off one glass of wine and Magic Mike makes her blush, safe to say going to a wine bar and then having dudes helicopter dick her isn't the best outing. Also offer to help with the bridal shower. This is typically done by a family member but, it doesn't hurt to offer help. I have been a MOH, a bridesmaid and most recently, a bride. Each role is very different in regards. One little tip I can give from my experience as a MOH, be prepared for possible jealous bridesmaids. The brides sisters and cousins were pissed and basically treated me like shit during the whole wedding process because they were mad I got the coveted role. Hopefully that won't be the case for you.
ReplyDeleteThe night before offer to stay with her. One of my bridesmaids stayed with me and it calmed me down. The day of the wedding, make sure she fucking eats something! Bring Starbucks, mimosas, whatever. Keep the bride in mind. I loved how my MOH and bridesmaids knew me so well. They brought Disney princess cups to drink the mimosas in and right before I walked down the aisle sang "Do You Want to Build A Snowman" to calm me down. Just be the friend you always have been with the addition of being her willing slave. Because she will probably return the favor some day.
P.S Awesome blog...Harry Potter!? Wine?! Indiana!? Win!
Congrats to you and your friend!! So exciting! :) I just got engaged over the holidays and it's such a fun time. I also asked my best friend to be maid of honor long before there was a ring involved --before there was even a guy involved for that matter! I'm not asking much of my maid of honor because we live far apart, but we text CONSTANTLY as I bounce ideas off her! Just having her there to squeal and ooh and ahh is wonderful :)
ReplyDeleteIm not a current or former bride to be but I've been to many weddings and have been a bridesmaid many times, just be there for her. She just needs the support because planning a wedding is NO joke!
ReplyDeleteI didn't put very much on my maid of honor to do (I was an extremely laid back bride, and my venue handled the majority of everything), so when it came to things like the Bachelorette party and the Bridal Shower, I was hoping she would step up. She ended up so nervous to plan anything, worried that I wouldn't like it, that I basically planned my own. I would've liked her to want to take a good role in the process, even if she didn't plan it all.
ReplyDeleteI actually had help from every corner so everything wasn't on my MOH. She planned my bachelorette party, got all my girls together to work on the invites for the party (which were AWESOME, by the way) & was pretty much there any time I needed her. She was there for every dress pinning. She took over the decorating of the reception hall when I had a breakdown. So, I guess my best advise to you, watch her. If she's getting stressed out, jump in & do what you can or deviate to the bridesmaids, that's what they are there for as well. Good luck & have fun with it! :)
ReplyDeleteMandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/
Shower, prepare, craft if needed, and Bachelorette. That's it! It's not as much as the internet makes it seem!
ReplyDeleteI got married last April and my maid of honor lived out of state, so she was only around for the 2 days before my wedding and the wedding date. But she was SO helpful. I would recommend that you let your bride talk your ear off about whatever she needs to, give her advise but be careful to not knock down her ideas/wants/etc. Be prepared for things that might happen (I, for example, ripped my toe nail off the night before the wedding so we got super glue to glue it together!). Those were the best things that my MOH did for me.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend was the MOH in a wedding we were in and I think she nailed it. She put together a huge emergency bag with all the necessities for the wedding day...moleskin, backup makeup (especially lip liner and lipstick/gloss), sewing kit, garment tape, etc. On the wedding day she made sure EVERYONE knew to go through her or a bridesmaid first before going to the bride so the bride could enjoy the day and not stress about anything. (This depends on what kind of bride your friend is, ours was a huge planner so everything was basically done well in advance so it wasn't a huge deal that the bridal party took point on the day of.) What I loved was that the MOH made an email group just for the bridal party (not including the bride) so we could secretly plan out all the pre-wedding festivities and introduce ourselves. We all got to know each other ahead of time and it made it so much fun and relaxed for everyone when we were together in person.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to your friend on her engagement! And congrats to you on being the Maid of Honor!! I got married about 1.5 years ago, so here's my advice about being the MOH. First, I think a lot depends on the bride. I consider myself a pretty organized and "on top of it" person, so I honestly didn't need a whole lot during the process. The most help I needed from my MOH was in the 2-3 months leading up to the wedding, and of course the day of the wedding. My MOH was my sister. She planned the bachelorette party for me. I told her what I wanted and she made it happen. I had her (and others) help out with some DIY decorations a couple of months before the wedding. The day of, the biggest thing was having someone there to do whatever i needed, basically. To be honest I didn't really NEED a lot from my MOH. I've never been a MOH, but if I was, I would make sure to check in periodically with the bride and see how things are going and see if there is anything I can help with. Make sure to make her feel special and like you are there, so she can relax and feel comfortable asking you for help/favors/advice/etc. You'll do great, I know it!
ReplyDeleteI didn't have my MOH do too much really. I actually had all my bridesmaids & other close female friends help plan my bridal shower for me (I actually didn't care too much to have a last fling before the ring, haha). If anything, the support was all I wanted & that's what I got. I was a pretty chill bride I guess :P
ReplyDeleteAmanda @ knock on wood was my MOH... and even though we ended up getting married at the courthouse, she was still brilliant. My suggestion is talk to her about her BOOK! The wedding book with ideas on flowers, dresses, everything. lol. This is the kind of thing she loves!
ReplyDelete