Why Is This Time Different?
I'm started an exercise plan a hundred times and I've started diets probably a thousand times. I've even been "really serious" about it a few times. So why is this time special? I don't know. I don't have a good and magical answer for anyone.
I haven't had a big health scare that kicked my ass into gear.
I don't have a wedding or other big event that I'm losing weight for.
There isn't one thing about this time that makes it any different from any of the other times. Nothing except the way I feel. This time is different because it feels different.
No, Really.. What Makes This Time Different?
I know myself a lot better than I knew myself before. Instead of battling against myself, I've learned to work with myself.
Here's what I mean by that..
-I can't trust myself to do workout dvds regularly at home on my own. So I joined a gym with a friend. We keep each other accountable. The act of physically leaving my apt and going to the gym is another mental thing for me too. It gets me ready to workout and push hard through an entire workout. I tried the at-home gym thing, several times. At this stage, it doesn't work for me. I'm hoping that's not forever, but that's where I am today.
-I like instant gratification. Obviously, losing weight and changing my body isn't an instant thing. I had read so many blogs about how terrible it was to live and die by the scale, so I had totally freaked myself out and only weighed myself once a month. Doing this wasn't working for me. The last few weeks I've weighed myself once a week and that's working much better right now. If I've lost, I feel good and I can have a little party with myself. If I've gained, I can easily look at my week and figure out what I've done wrong. This is not going to work forever. Eventually I absolutely see myself going back to weighing myself once a month. However, right now, to get going, I need to see the changes quicker than that.
-Losing weight isn't enough motivation for me. This is a weird one. You'd think that it'd be more than enough, but it's been years and apparently it's not. I seriously don't understand that, but hey, there it is. So, a few weeks ago I made mini goals. Just a few other things for me to work toward. I want to run a 5k, so I'm running. I have zero arm strength, so I'm going hard on arms. So I'm focusing on those two things right now and eventually I'll add more. I have no butt, zero butt, so I'm eventually going to start a squat challenge and get myself a little booty. Holla.
-Sometimes I don't want to cook dinner or prepare lunches. Now, I don't give myself the option. It's a convenience thing and it's a lazy thing. It's easier to get Subway or Taco Bell or eat a pizza lunchable. Easier. Not better. So the last few weeks I've meal planned hard on Sunday and then cooked 90% of my meals for Mon-Thurs on Sunday. I don't ever want to do it, but I have to or I know I'll make bad decisions through the week. Right now, it's working. I make the meal plan and I follow that meal plan. So there's not thinking during the week.
-I love carbs. Oh man, carbs, carbs, carbs.. and cheese. Oh cheese. Look, I've been there, I've tried it, I've done it. I've tried completely cutting things out of my diet to lose weight. It's never worked. Because it's not realistic. I like those things, so when I can't have them at all, I freak out and binge. My strategy now is to limit them. I still eat them, just less often. I fill out my meals with veggies now. Do I always love it, no.
-It's so mental for me. Now that I know that and now that I've completely accepted that, things are coming together. I'm my very worst critic and I know this. I wouldn't ever let anyone speak to me the way I talk to myself sometimes. So I've stopped.
I Don't Know What I'm Doing
Look, I'm just making this up as I go.
I have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about 75% of the time.
This is just where I am right now, today.
I hope with all my might that in a month or four that this isn't where I am. I hope I'm in a much better place.
Until then, I'm just chuggin along.