Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Being Honest And Real..

I did something weird last night. Weird for me anyway and after my little baby rant about lifestyle blogging last week a lot of you responded and said that you actually want to hear what is going on in a blogger's real life. So, here's something weird.
Be careful what you ask for.

Last night I had a huge to-do list. I'm leaving for Vegas tomorrow and yea, my to-do list is enormous. Uh, so obviously I came home from work and watched a few (several, a lot, so many, too many) episodes of Chicago Fire (highly recommend that show by the way). Which of course meant that I accomplished very little (read: none) of the things on my to-do list. In other words, a perfect Tuesday evening.

But around 1am I heard something outside, so I peaked out the window and thought I saw something on my car and I went outside to my front landing to check it out. Nothing was on my car, I'm a dummy and apparently seeing things, but it was really nice outside last night. You know those perfect summer nights? Not too hot, slight breeze and the smell! Oh the smell.. it smelled like summer. Do you know what I mean?

So I just kind of stood outside, leaning against the railing, and started getting really dramatic.

See, I've been really stressed lately. And not the kind of stressed that I'm used to and I'm not handling it well. Actually, that's a lie.. I'm not handling it at all. I mean, why confront a situation head on when you can avoid and ignore it? Am I right?

Since I don't want to be all vague and such, I'll spill it. I'm still stressing out about this apartment thing. Stressed and angry, lots and lots of angry feelings happening. I'm stressed about a weird "friend" situation because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm stressed about money. Man, I'm always stressed about money, who isn't? I'm stressed about an old guy situation that has gotten.. complicated (?) and I've now had to call in reinforcements to help me handle it and that also stresses me out because I hate calling in favors and asking for help. I'm stressed about turning 25, which is hard to explain to anyone, so I'm not going to try. I'm stressing about what the hell I'm going to do with my life.

In fact, My mom and I have gotten into a few little tifs the last few weeks (months?). I hesitate to even call them arguments, because the minute she brings up anything even remotely close to the subject, I shut down. Not exactly the best response, but I'm not always perfect, so there you go.
Oh, these "tifs" also stress me out, so add that to the list.

I've not really been eating and I've not been sleeping and it's actually starting to become a problem. So last night I'm standing outside and I guess I realized why people use the phrase "I need some air". I needed some air.

I didn't have some huge epiphany or anything. I wish. But I did give myself several minutes to just breathe and think it all out. I ended up standing outside for over half an hour. Which was weird, because I don't think I've ever done anything like that before. I just stood outside, mostly staring at the stairs and the top of my neighbor's cop car, thinking through all of my stresses. Putting some of them into perspective and working through some solutions to others.

I also took some time to make a few decisions. And in this situation, I am going to be vague. Mostly because I'm a bitch.

To be clear, I am so very, very aware that my "problems" are barely that. Oh trust me, I know. Better than most.

So anyway, there you have it. An entire post that is a little (a lot) boring and very wordy. I'll see you lovely people tomorrow.

20 comments:

  1. my heart hurts for you because i know the feeling. also, everyone has their own problems and it's not fair to compare one to another. it still hurts you and stresses you out so it MATTERS. i'm glad you got some air and were able to figure a few things out.

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  2. shit sometimes life just gets messy and it's not fun and it's first world problems and then you feel even worse about stressing about them and it's dumb. but sometimes fresh air is the only thing that will help. you'll get it all figured out, lady!

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  3. Sorry to hear you've been so stressed lately.... I hope something gives for you soon. I'm a lot like this too... Once I get stressed about a few things then everything stressing me out. And fighting with my mom is THE WORST! She's my best friend so we get over it fast but it still stresses me out even more

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  4. Not boring at all friend. I find that I need more and more of those moments the older I get... and sometimes, I now take them just to soak in how good life is. For example, last night, after getting water I just stood at the kitchen sink "watching" life. I watched Adam sketching at our breaknook table and the animals all curled up together. I just kind of stood there -- looking at nothing in particular taking a moment to breathe.

    I personally love this post because it is honest and beautiful. We've all been there -- needing air and not knowing where to find it. And you did exactly what you should do -- breathe deep and try to take it all in. Sounds like you are on a good start to figuring it all out! I'm happy for you!

    -Kate
    www.theflorkens.com

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  5. We all have these moments. It will get better. And yes, I know me saying that doesn't make it better.

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  6. Don't downplay what's going on. If it's stressing you out, it's valid. And those are absolutely acceptable things to stress about. Like you, I'm always stressed about money, even when I know I don't really need to be. And I don't have a place secured for when I move either and I'm starting to think I'll never find a place. So I know what you're going through and I know how you feel! Hopefully the fresh air brought you enough clarity to start chipping away at the stressors one at a time and before you know it things will be better than before. Good luck & have fun in Vegas :)

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  7. Stress is stress regardless of what is causing it! And it sucks and is never fun to deal with, but I'm glad you took a few moments to just zone out, it sounds like it brought some clarity. Good lucky lady!

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  8. I'm sorry to hear that you've been stressed out. I think as bloggers we sometimes feel like we need to keep this upbeat, happy-go-lucky, voice to our blogs and sometimes that's hard to do when things in your real life are stressful/falling apart. This is something that I too have been struggling with lately. I high-five you for being honest with your readers. I haven't found the guts to do that quite yet, but maybe someday. Just know that we're here for you any time you need/want an outside ear to listen {or I guess eyes to read, but you know what I mean}. And don't downplay whats going on. I know that sometimes it's easy to feel like we're over reacting or that we shouldn't feel the way we do because so many worse things are going on in the world, but the fact is that we all fight different battles and none of small or invalid just because they are different than those around us. They are all important. Hang in there! xoxo

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  9. Sometimes a step back and alone time is all the clarity you need. Just because someone else has it worse than you doesn't make your stresses any less important, its just important in a different way. I hope things get easier for you girl and you're allowed to be stressed and bothered by things no one is perfect.

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  10. I've never understood the concept of needing some air, until I had my first panic/anxiety attack and I was at work and I need to just breathe for a few minutes without people seeing if I was okay, I was fine, I just needed time to process my emotions otherwise I was going to lose it.

    & Chicago Fire, YES!

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  11. I have no clue how I missed your post about being a "Lifestyle Blogger" but I just read it and wow, bang on with that post! I'm sorry you're so stressed lately, hopefully things fall in place for you :)

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  12. I've been where you are right now. It sucks, boy does it suck. But I'm glad you were able to take that moment and get some things sorted out. You are stronger than you think you are, Snicklefritz. You'll make it through.

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  13. I am SO glad that you are freaking out about turning 25 and have no idea how to explain it. I say that with lots of love and understanding because I PANICKED about turning 25. Like, full on had a whatever-year-quarter-life-crisis. Cut my hair off, died it blonde for the first time in YEARS, and just basically cried all the time and went bat shit crazy. And then, a week or two after I actually turned 25, I was fine and life went on. So I'm glad that there is someone else in the world who thinks 25 is something to freak out over. (because it totally fucking is.) My mom once said, "stop worrying and just enjoy your life." They are simple words, but they hit me so hard. I've tried to live by that since then. Most things work themselves out, which I usually figure out after I've stressed and worried until I'm sick to my stomach. Long story short (too late): everything will be okay. And if you want to cry, cuss, bitch, complain, or worry to someone who's been there (and sometimes still is there) then I am here for you girl.

    p.s. sorry for the crazy long comment. ;)

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  14. Haha, I liked your "a lot boring and a little wordy" post. I like blogs that have a balance of personal life posts and buzzfeed-esque posts. That way it's like we're real friends. (hah.) I probably should have commented that on your other post, BUT oh well. Anywaysss. Stressors are stressors, no matter how big or how small. It really doesn't matter if someone else's are worse than yours. I hope some of your stress is lifted soon and you have a ton of fun in Vegas! (ramble comment for a ramble blog. Whatevs.)

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  15. Pretty sure I need the biggest update in all of the updates about your life. So spill it.

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  16. First of all, Chicago Fire is the best. And I love it.

    But more importantly I completely sympathize with you. Money is so so stressful. Does it ever go away (the money stress not the money, I'll take more of that please)? And the apartment thing is pretty huge and sucky.

    And the fights with your mom. Oh gosh I'm an expert on those. They are the worst. And they always stress me out even more!! If you want to talk about them (generally, no specifics needed :)) I'd be glad to. I hope things start feeling better soon

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  17. I'm on the stressed bandwagon with you and let me tell you it sucks! Have a blast in Vegas and hopefully that will be a step to alive some of that stress! BIG HUG!

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  18. I completly understand the turning 25 thing. I sort of had a melt down when I turned 25 so I get it. Completely.

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  19. Mannn girl. Sounds like you did just what you needed to do - by getting some air. Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed, I just write down all of my problems. Then I put them in buckets - what I can take of care right now, what is out of my control, and what has the most priority. That normally helps me!

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  20. There's a few things I wanted to respond to but now that I'm actually in the comment section I can't remember all of them and I'm too lazy to scroll and read again but what I do remember is that it's difficult to explain to people about how you feel when 25 is approaching. No one understood what I was going through and frankly, neither did I. I'm not going to lie it doesn't just disappear on the day but eventually you just get used to it. Also, I can understand why the apartment thing is stressing you - sorry!

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I love you people! Let's be friends.

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