Be careful what you ask for.
Last night I had a huge to-do list. I'm leaving for Vegas tomorrow and yea, my to-do list is enormous. Uh, so obviously I came home from work and watched a few (several, a lot, so many, too many) episodes of Chicago Fire (highly recommend that show by the way). Which of course meant that I accomplished very little (read: none) of the things on my to-do list. In other words, a perfect Tuesday evening.
But around 1am I heard something outside, so I peaked out the window and thought I saw something on my car and I went outside to my front landing to check it out. Nothing was on my car, I'm a dummy and apparently seeing things, but it was really nice outside last night. You know those perfect summer nights? Not too hot, slight breeze and the smell! Oh the smell.. it smelled like summer. Do you know what I mean?
So I just kind of stood outside, leaning against the railing, and started getting really dramatic.
See, I've been really stressed lately. And not the kind of stressed that I'm used to and I'm not handling it well. Actually, that's a lie.. I'm not handling it at all. I mean, why confront a situation head on when you can avoid and ignore it? Am I right?
Since I don't want to be all vague and such, I'll spill it. I'm still stressing out about this apartment thing. Stressed and angry, lots and lots of angry feelings happening. I'm stressed about a weird "friend" situation because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm stressed about money. Man, I'm always stressed about money, who isn't? I'm stressed about an old guy situation that has gotten.. complicated (?) and I've now had to call in reinforcements to help me handle it and that also stresses me out because I hate calling in favors and asking for help. I'm stressed about turning 25, which is hard to explain to anyone, so I'm not going to try. I'm stressing about what the hell I'm going to do with my life.
In fact, My mom and I have gotten into a few little tifs the last few weeks (months?). I hesitate to even call them arguments, because the minute she brings up anything even remotely close to the subject, I shut down. Not exactly the best response, but I'm not always perfect, so there you go.
Oh, these "tifs" also stress me out, so add that to the list.
I've not really been eating and I've not been sleeping and it's actually starting to become a problem. So last night I'm standing outside and I guess I realized why people use the phrase "I need some air". I needed some air.
I didn't have some huge epiphany or anything. I wish. But I did give myself several minutes to just breathe and think it all out. I ended up standing outside for over half an hour. Which was weird, because I don't think I've ever done anything like that before. I just stood outside, mostly staring at the stairs and the top of my neighbor's cop car, thinking through all of my stresses. Putting some of them into perspective and working through some solutions to others.
I also took some time to make a few decisions. And in this situation, I am going to be vague. Mostly because I'm a bitch.
To be clear, I am so very, very aware that my "problems" are barely that. Oh trust me, I know. Better than most.
So anyway, there you have it. An entire post that is a little (a lot) boring and very wordy. I'll see you lovely people tomorrow.