Thursday, July 24, 2014

Dating & Being Single

Something interesting happened yesterday evening and I have this burning need to share it with you guys. I almost became the girl I tell my friends to avoid becoming. 

Did you follow that?

I really need to throw some back story at you first. Back in March, I had a date or two with a guy, we'll call him Jordan. When Jordan asked me out, he was on his A GAME. I truly mean that, he did everything right and I was thinking "holy shit, this guy is not for real". I even called my mom and my sister to tell them about this guy and our upcoming date, which I never do.

So we went on 2 dates, back to back. A Thursday night and Friday night. By the end of Friday night, I knew I wasn't that into it. There were some personality traits of his that really bothered me and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to try to get over those because I so badly wanted it to work. He started off so well that I didn't want that to go to waste. However, it just wasn't going to happen.

Don't get me wrong, he was and I'm sure still is a very, very nice guy. He was just a nice guy who wasn't for me. When I told my mom about it and talked to her about it later she thought I was being too hard on him and too critical.

Was she right? Yea, she probably was. I stood by my decisions though because if we're realistically talking about someone I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with, then yes, I'm going to be critical and only I can decide if something is a "deal-breaker" or if it's something I can get over.

And you guys, I felt like I was kicking a puppy when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He was like a poor, defenseless puppy and I felt like an uber bitch. It took him a little while to get the hint and he even texted me a few times weeks and then months later. I always chose not to respond, because I didn't, in any way, want to lead him on. Poor, defenseless puppy Jordan.

Fast forward to last night. I was reading articles on Elite Daily trying to find some blog material. They have a whole section on their website on Dating and I clicked it and started reading. 2 hours later and about a hundred articles I was having an internal battle with myself. On one hand I was feeling pretty good, thinking "hey, being single is awesome" and then on the other hand I'm thinking "I'll be alone forever". It was making my emotions all jacked up.

I've been on dates since Jordan and I've "talked" to guys since him too. Which, what the fuck does that even mean anymore?

"Yea, Mark and I are like talking now, so like things are like getting pretty serious." 

But last night I started second guessing myself. Did I judge Jordan too harshly? Were those things that bothered me really that bad? Doesn't he deserve a second chance? If I texted him do you think he'd text me back? Should I text him?

Then I slapped myself in the dang face. My friends do shit like that a lot and I'm always the first person to tell them to go with their gut and to not go back and settle just because they're lonely. That shit drives me crazy and I've seen it backfire on my friends SO OFTEN. Do you know who is usually the one there to pick them up and help them? Me.

Jordan was not right for me. I knew that then and I know that now. I need to trust myself and my judgment. I also need to remember the leaps and bonds I'm come in the last 2 years.

I'm happier than I've ever been.
I feel better than I've ever felt.
Do I still have stresses and shitty things going on sometimes? Yea. But having a boyfriend, especially one just to waste time until "the one", isn't going to make those stresses and shitty things better.

Where my single girls at? Love your life. Be confident in yourself and in your choices. Be happy. Life is so, so good.


  1. Preach it sister. I've passed on a lot of "great guys" because it (whatever IT is) just wasnt there!

  2. HOLLLLLLA for single ladies! I totally understand the "run back because you're lonely thing" but ain't no body got time for that, seriously. If you're not in my life right meow there's a reason and I'm not going to bring up old things all up in here.

    XO Fal

  3. Don't settle. I almost did once and it would not have been pretty.

  4. AH KAY! I love this post!! I recently felt the same, and was basically treated like 'second-best' just because I didn't want to compromise my values so early in a 'relationship'. Luckily, something better came along. It made me realise everything happens for a reason, so shit periods always make way for better ones! :) x

  5. I think unless somebody is a definite no, its worth a second date to really know for sure. You did that. So trust your gut!

  6. Love this. Good for you! Can't tell you how many times I've told a friend to stop settling for someone/giving someone a second chance when they don't prioritize her, treat her shady, and aren't "it," just so there's a companion and you aren't alone. I wish said friend thought they (themselves) were as awesome as they really are and didn't put up with that crap!

  7. I'm not single... but I was for 4 solid years because I absolutely REFUSED to settle, you go girl!

  8. Don't worry about tossing him. You obviously had a gut feeling about him and in the long run it wouldn't have worked out. He looked good on paper but that doesn't mean he would've been a good fit for you. I can almost instantly tell within the first few minutes of a date if I want to continue seeing them. For me, as I get older, (I'm 30, eek) my standards are much higher now then they were when I was 20.

  9. There is nothing wrong with being single...sometimes, to be perfectly honest, I would love to be single again. Much less stress then what's on my dish now! Ha!

    Mandie -

  10. CAN YOU READ MY MIND?!? Because holy crap I was going through this same scenario just last night. Long story short a deal breaker for me came up and the old me would have absolutely tried to look past it, but last night I didn't. I explained it to him and it did feel like I was kicking a puppy because he was very sweet and nice and could hold a conversation, but I'm glad I did. We aren't just dating to date anymore. It's definitely time to stay strong! LOVE YOU

  11. I love this post! I feel the same way. I like being alone (though of course I would love a companion someday) I like being single confident and can do just about anything without having to check in with a boyfriend.
    You go girl! Stand strong and have fun!


  12. i would pick being single ANYDAY over being in a relationship with the wrong guy.

  13. I wish I would have had a friend like you to tell me that many many many many times over the last decade!

  14. I love this! Good thing for slapping yourself in the face. I did the same thing with a guy a couple years ago and then in a moment of weakness thought "aw I was too mean" and tried again and nope the same things that bugged me about him then bugged me even 2 years later haha.

  15. This is a brilliant post and one I needed to read. I also have been in limbo about a particular guy because I have no particular reason why I don't want to be with him other than I just know he isn't the one... why won't my parents let me be ok with that!


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