Did you follow that?
I really need to throw some back story at you first. Back in March, I had a date or two with a guy, we'll call him Jordan. When Jordan asked me out, he was on his A GAME. I truly mean that, he did everything right and I was thinking "holy shit, this guy is not for real". I even called my mom and my sister to tell them about this guy and our upcoming date, which I never do.
So we went on 2 dates, back to back. A Thursday night and Friday night. By the end of Friday night, I knew I wasn't that into it. There were some personality traits of his that really bothered me and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to try to get over those because I so badly wanted it to work. He started off so well that I didn't want that to go to waste. However, it just wasn't going to happen.
Don't get me wrong, he was and I'm sure still is a very, very nice guy. He was just a nice guy who wasn't for me. When I told my mom about it and talked to her about it later she thought I was being too hard on him and too critical.
Was she right? Yea, she probably was. I stood by my decisions though because if we're realistically talking about someone I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with, then yes, I'm going to be critical and only I can decide if something is a "deal-breaker" or if it's something I can get over.
And you guys, I felt like I was kicking a puppy when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He was like a poor, defenseless puppy and I felt like an uber bitch. It took him a little while to get the hint and he even texted me a few times weeks and then months later. I always chose not to respond, because I didn't, in any way, want to lead him on. Poor, defenseless puppy Jordan.
Fast forward to last night. I was reading articles on Elite Daily trying to find some blog material. They have a whole section on their website on Dating and I clicked it and started reading. 2 hours later and about a hundred articles I was having an internal battle with myself. On one hand I was feeling pretty good, thinking "hey, being single is awesome" and then on the other hand I'm thinking "I'll be alone forever". It was making my emotions all jacked up.
I've been on dates since Jordan and I've "talked" to guys since him too. Which, what the fuck does that even mean anymore?
"Yea, Mark and I are like talking now, so like things are like getting pretty serious."
But last night I started second guessing myself. Did I judge Jordan too harshly? Were those things that bothered me really that bad? Doesn't he deserve a second chance? If I texted him do you think he'd text me back? Should I text him?
Then I slapped myself in the dang face. My friends do shit like that a lot and I'm always the first person to tell them to go with their gut and to not go back and settle just because they're lonely. That shit drives me crazy and I've seen it backfire on my friends SO OFTEN. Do you know who is usually the one there to pick them up and help them? Me.
Jordan was not right for me. I knew that then and I know that now. I need to trust myself and my judgment. I also need to remember the leaps and bonds I'm come in the last 2 years.
I'm happier than I've ever been.
I feel better than I've ever felt.
Do I still have stresses and shitty things going on sometimes? Yea. But having a boyfriend, especially one just to waste time until "the one", isn't going to make those stresses and shitty things better.
Where my single girls at? Love your life. Be confident in yourself and in your choices. Be happy. Life is so, so good.