Thursday, June 19, 2014

Life's Greatest Mysteries

I'm on a plane (I'm on a plane)
I'm on a plane (I'm on a plane)
Everybody look at me cause I'm flying on a plane!

I miss when this song was played every weekend at every party and on every boat on the lake. Sigh.. I've just decided I'm going to give it a comeback.

So today's post, right. Let's get back on track. Basically sometimes my brain takes me to places that are confusing to normal people, it's a gift and a curse, really. I started thinking of one thing and then this little list just snowballed and my thumbs were moving a mile a minute because I was trying to get all of this down in my Notes app on my phone before I forgot any of it.
Life's mysteries.. 

1. Where do we get the names for things? For instance, why is a book called a "book". Who decided to put those vowels and consonants together and form the word book? And why do we call a book a book? Why don't we call it a "fan"? Who decided what gets called what? And what, so everyone is just supposed to follow that one person who decides that a book is a book?

2. While we're on the subject, who named Earth? Right? Who decided that? A committee or just one person? Was it like a dictatorship thing?

3. Who decided that the alphabet was the alphabet? Who put the letters in that order and decided that's how it was going to be for forever? I'm not talking just in English either. In all languages there is an alphabet and the letters go in a specific order. Who decided that? That's a big responsibility, right?

4. Who decided "fuck" was a bad word? Why is it a really big deal when someone says that? What makes that word worse than "table"? Is it what is behind the word? Like "fuck" means "sex" so it's bad? But we can say "sex".. just not "fuck"? I'm not saying Voldemort or anything here, just fuck, but I'm getting crucified.

5. Why are mid-season finales a thing?

6. What went through Michael Jordan's head when he said "YES" to making Space Jam? Don't get me wrong, I watched Space Jam last night for the 1st time in years and loved every gosh darn second of it. I'm just saying, why in the hell did Michael Jordan agree to make this movie? I just.. don't understand. I love it, but I don't understand. Side Note: I still get pumped the heck up when they start playing "I believe I can flyyyyyy"

7. Why are there people who round down when figuring out the cost of something? The sticker price says $3.99, so my head automatically rounds up to $4, because.. obviously, right? But there are people in my life who say "Hey, this book is $3.99.. Can you believe they're selling this for $3?!".. Well, no I can't believe it.. because they aren't. Didn't you learn rounding in like 2nd grade? Come on now, man! Round up, ROUND. UP.
actual photo i took to send to someone as a reference for a homemade beer bong. i'm a little ashamed, but also not.
8. When your tv remote isn't working correctly, usually because the battery is about to die, why do we press really hard on the buttons like that is going to fix the problem? Everyone does it and it makes no sense. There is no direct correlation between pressing so hard our finger turns white and the remote/battery working more effectively. The battery is dead, but instead of changing it I'm just going to sit here and bang the remote on my hand a few times and then press hard enough to pop my knuckle pressing the volume up button.

9. Why do children between the ages of 9-13 have Twitters and Instagrams? Do you know what I see them tweet? Things like "omg fist me" to their favorite male celebrity. Excuse you? Do you even understand what you just said? Also, why are you saying that to him? You look creepy. When I was 9 I loved N*Sync, but I never asked JT to fist me. I'm 1,000% sure I didn't even know what fisting was.

10. Where are their parents? ^

11. Why do people not use their turn signals when they are about to turn? Hmmm? Why? WHY?! I think bad thoughts about those people. Angry, emo thoughts.

12. Why do I open my mouth as wide as possible when I'm applying mascara? Seriously, I've tried not to do it, but I can't. I open my mouth so wide I look like I'm giving..

Okay, that's enough for today. If you have any mysterious life questions that you don't have an answer for, leave them in the comments below and mayyyybe I'll add them to a Part 2 of this post. Because I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Also, to follow along on my vacation follow me on Instagram - @MissKayStoll. Just do it, don't make me beg..

Take a picture, triiiick. I'm on a plane, biiiitch. 


  1. Soo... how much did you drink before boarding this plane, Confucius? =P

  2. Oh how I loved this. I also googled "Why did Michael Jackson do Space Jam..." to try and get answers. There were none.

    Have fun on vacation!

  3. Haha yes to so many of these! It is impossible for me to put on mascara without having my mouth wide open! Also where are those pre-teens parents someone needs to monitor how inappropriate they are on social media! I also can't stand when people leave their blinkers on well pass their turn!

  4. hahaha great post! I don't understand all these kids with cell-phones, twitter, instragram. They are way to dependent on their electronics. Hope your plane ride was good.

  5. LOL. Great post. And I am the SAME way about people rounding down. It drives me insane!

  6. These are all great thoughts. Mid season finales make me rage-y!

  7. better yet why do the 9-13 year olds with instagram have more followers than me?!?!!?!?

  8. haha your questions are so valid! I do the same when applying mascara too though. I don't get it.

  9. So I just learned in History class that we get out English alphabet from a people called The Phoenicians and it was originally 22 letter instead of 26. And the reason we even started writing was for record keeping. But I still have no idea why things are called what they are. No one has yet to explain that.

  10. Interestingly enough, the etymology of the word "fuck" is from Old English, where it was an acronym meaning "fornication under the crown of the king"....which was a pretty bad thing, hence it continuing to have some pretty negative connotations in life today. :)

  11. Great life questions!! Hahaha enjoy the VaCay ;)

  12. for real though, can I borrow dis? Have fun in Florida. Talk to that pilot for me, k :)

  13. So today I was driving to work and there was this trash truck. It had some really long ridiculous name like "Tennesee Waste Collection Vehicle" and I was like LAME. Then I started thinking of like Waste Management and how that was a pretty lame name too. Then I started wondering what I would name a trash company if I had to name one.


  14. OMG #9. I can't even come up with a response to that. Reason #18234 why kids scare the crap out of me.

  15. People not using their turning signals is the worst! Especially when you're behind them and they stop suddenly to turn without a signal. Really? I wouldn't have been so close to rear ending you if you had given me notice.

  16. LOL at ALL of these. but for real on the michael jordan one. like, wut? but you know he's still pulling royalties off that so props to him i guess

  17. Rounding down on prices drives me crazy!!! I can't stand when people do that.


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