Next week I'm turning 24 and while I firmly believe that 23 was one of those not-so-good years for me, I also think I've grown a lot personally. I spent 23 learning about myself and really being honest with myself about who I am and who I want to be. There were many nights I worked myself into a blubbering mess and many nights I went to bed in a not-so-good head space. But, I also had many come to Jesus moments and many moments of personal growth.
Something that's been on my mind that last few months is my dieting. I sat down with myself recently (ish) and had a good and honest chat with myself.
"Self, why do my diets always fail?" Well..
Five reasons my diets always fail
1. Carbs. I like carbs. All the carbs, all the time. Mac-n-cheese is my favorite meal in the world. Pasta and Italian foods are second on that list, followed by rice and Mexican foods. Do you know what doesn't help you lost weight? Carbs. I have food issues, probably an addiction of some kind to my favorite carbs. It's a real problem when I'm trying to cut carbs, because suddenly I want nothing except mac-n-cheese or spaghetti or cheesy rice. Carbs, carbs, carbs.
2. I'm impatient. I don't think anyone in my life realizes how much I struggle with this. It got much worse when I graduated high school and went to college. Some people deal with anxiety or depression, I deal with my patience. I have all of the patience in the world when it's someone else. I can stay very calm, cool, and collected and handle anything with the grace of Princess Kate. I have no patience with myself. It's a very real problem that I very much deal with every single day. In regards to my diets or my weightloss, I know that things take time. It took time to put the weight on and it'll take time to get rid of it. It'll take time to completely change my lifestyle. I know this, but I'm impatient. When I don't see immediate results, I get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I give up.
3. Fail to plan, plan to fail. I'm a listmaker and a planner. I cling to those 2 things like gosh darn baby blankets. It's a huge reason why "be spontaneous" is always on my monthly goal lists, because it's something I need to work on. Weeks when I plan things out really well and plan out my workouts and meal plan and food prep - those are the best weeks. Because by Wednesday, I'm tired and over it. So if I don't have a plan and a meal ready or prepped, then I'm eating something not healthy.
4. I lie to myself. I don't come close to lying to anyone as much as I lie to myself. Again, something I'm working on, but it still happens. Usually in the form of excuses. When I miss an AM workout I'll tell myself that I'll workout later in the afternoon, but I know this is a lie. When I eat mac-n-cheese, I'll tell myself this is my cheat meal for the week. Lie.
5. The mental.
I haven't been "skinny" since I was in 3rd grade. Looking back, I wasn't as over weight as I thought I was in my head. Gosh, it honestly makes me cry for the girl I was in junior high and high school. It is unreal how low my self esteem was regarding my body image. Oh the things I would tell my 14 year old self and my 17 year old self. The things I would tell her. I'm crying right now typing this.
I think the number one reason I always fail my "diets" is because I can't get past the mental block I've put in my head. Years and years of a poor body image and years and years of tearing myself down, more than anyone else ever did, has taken it's toll on me. I was/am my own worst critic.
It's really hard to put it all into words for this blog, because it's something I'm just now realizing and discovering about myself. It's something I've been silently struggling with for so long that I just can't put it all into words just yet. And putting it all out there is not something I'm comfortable with, but good things happen outside of your comfort zone. So here we go.
So where does this leave me now?
I don't know.
But I'm working on it.
I absolutely love this post. BRAVO to you for sharing this & putting it all out there. If you want to be workout motivation buddies, let me know!! Always here to support you :)
ReplyDeleteI have no patience and want to see instant results... I had a minor meltdown last night about how I wasn't losing anything.
ReplyDeleteI fail at my weight loss attempts for all these very same reasons. My weakness is Mexican food and French fries. I am impatient with myself and lie to myself constantly. I totally feel you! At least you aren't in denial anymore and realize your problems, maybe I need to have a chat with myself too...
ReplyDeleteGirl I can completely relate to every single item on this list-- it's the reason why I failed so many times before!! Carbs are my MAJOR weakness-- I could eat 3 cups of pasta and think nothing of it (mmmmm pasta). I think that's why WW helped me so much, was because if I wanted to see results, I HAD to be accountable to portion control. I know I can't control myself around pasta, so I honestly just stopped buying it unless it was in pre-portioned meals like SmartOnes. You realizing these things is a major hurdle to being successful, though, and I'm sending you happy successful vibes! :)
ReplyDeleteCarbs are the greatest thing ever in the whole word. OMG. I can diet...but I will NEVER cut out carbs. Oh well. :) lol
ReplyDeleteThe patience thing is the toughest. We always want to lose it all the first week and be done!
ReplyDeleteso i have some good news for you, carbs are not the enemy...but the amount of carbs is. your body needs carbies, it's what we use for energy. we just need to pick good healthy carbs that leave us fuller longer :) pick ones that are whole wheat or with fibers, etc! and who am i kidding it's ok to have the mac n cheese sometimes too :)
ReplyDeleteyes and yes again. so very true, all of these.
ReplyDeleteThat mental block is a killer. I think thats why I always fail and because I am just plain tired and lazy all the time. Workout/diet rut! I hate it.
ReplyDeleteLove this! So true!
ReplyDeleteI agree! For a while I was trying to track my calories in this cool app on my phone, but whenever I would "slip" and say, eat cake for dinner, I would purposely "forget" to log it... because it made me feel a lot better not to have a record of it. :)
ReplyDeleteI think impatience is a HUGE downfall for a LOT of people when it comes to losing weight. I'm horribly impatient and I know that it's hard for me too sometimes. But honestly, in my experience the more steady/slow it comes off the better. If you lose a ton all of a sudden, chances are it's going to just come right back anyway.
ReplyDeleteahhh this is so true! I loooove carbs so much! And I always cheat, telling myself I deserve it because I had a bad day or I ate good for a week or the sky is blue today or... you get the picture haha
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH YES YES YES to all of this. I literally feel like I'm reading my own words. Especially with the lying to myself and the mental block. Me all day long!
ReplyDeleteI think we're the same person when it comes to dieting!! I'm a big fat liar to myself haha and I'm very impatient! I'm one of those people who expects results after one day of dieting, working out etc. Oops :)
ReplyDeletethat first someecard speaks to me! just today i was like, GOD i've worked out four times this week! Why am I not skinny yet!! (okay, so not clearly that dramatic but I was like whyyyy haven't i lost a pound! wtf!)
ReplyDeleteand if I could give you a little 28-year-old thinking-im-wise advice...think about what you just said about telling your 14 and 17 year old self and apply that to your 24 year old self!! Even if you're not where you want to be yet, be proud of yo'self! (easier said than done, I know...but it's something I'm working on too!!)
Forget about losing weight. Focus on exercise and what your body can DO, not what it looks like. When you find an exercise program that you enjoy, EVERYTHING changes and the weight will work itself out. Or maybe it won't, but who cares if you have a few extra pounds because you can run a 10K or do 25 pushups without stopping.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if I can help you at all, since that's my new job as a Beachbody coach :)
This post descibes me perfectly especially one and five!
ReplyDeleteholllieee.blogspot.com
The hardest part for me is that I'm not going to make the changes over night I didn't develop the bad habits over night and like you I want it to happen NOW!!!
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