Tuesday, February 26, 2013

A Year From Today..

I'm stressed.

I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat it.

It's not that I'm having a bad day, I'd even go so far as to say I've had a good day. That doesn't stop me from being stressed, however.

I meant to post earlier this morning, but I had other things I needed to get done first, so I kept putting it off. Then earlier tonight I sat down to write a post and just stared at the screen. Stressing about all of that blank, white space that I was going to have to fill up. Then I was immediately annoyed that I felt like I "had" to write a post. I don't. This blog is for me. I don't make money off of it (big props to those who do, i'm a jealous, jealous girl) so I have no obligations. I have plenty to write about, that's not the problem either. The problem is that I'm stressed and I don't want to talk about my short comings. But that's what I feel like writing about. I'm a big bunch of contradictions. Welcome to my life.

So today, instead of filling the post with pictures like I usually do, I'm just going to write. Feel free to stop reading, starting now. 

I think my problem is that a few weeks ago I turned 23. I know that's not old. But I can also vividly remember my 18 year old self thinking I'd have my life together by 23. How naive was I?

18 year old self.. dear lord

Things don't always go as we plan them to. Plans change, people change, life changes. I'm glad I didn't stick with the plans my 18 year old self had made. However, I wish I had actually replaced those plans with more plans. Instead I just kind of.. stayed. In a lot of ways I feel like I got lazy. I wouldn't say I'm a lazy person, at all. I'm a workaholic for goodness sakes, I'm not lazy. But as far as my life goals go, I've always had some, sure. But I haven't done everything I should've done to accomplish those goals. I lost site of the long-term.

So, I've been carrying around a notebook and pen all day today. Writing things. Making lists. Lists are like my baby blanket. I cling to them when I need comfort. I make them for everything. I just like seeing everything written out.

Some of the lists included..
New majors for myself. Time to change this school thing. Time to get something accomplished. Time to think long-term.
New manageable cleaning schedule for my apt. Time to stay on top of it, so I'm not wasting spending a whole day cleaning once a week.
New financial management list. Time to save that cash money.
New meals I want to try. I'm sick of making chicken and veggies.
New exercise schedule. I need to find something that actually works for ME. Something I will stick to. Something manageable.
New and updated lists of DIY projects I want to do. Soon.

The last list I made was my most important. Goals. Big life goals. Ultimate goals. But I didn't stop there. This time, I made "sub-goals". Little goals to complete on my way to my big goals.

Ya see, I'm just overwhelmed. I have so much I want to do and I have for a long time now. Years. I have bigger goals than I sometimes think possible. Some of my goals might not ever get accomplished. I know that, and I guess I accept that as a likely outcome. I just don't want to focus on that.

I have big dreams, a big heart, and a big pant size. That's me. That's where I'm at today.

A year from today? Let's talk again. Because a year from today I'm gonna be a lot closer to the person I want to be the rest of my life.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Kay-

    What a fun & cute girl you are. I can definitely relate to you in many ways. I started my weight loss journey at the age of 23 and now 3 years later have lost almost all of the weight but it definitely wasn't easy. You can do this & I'm looking forward to following your journey.



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